And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
