so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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