Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
