dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
