Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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