It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
