She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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