I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
