you have to choose: penises or morals?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the raccoons are back...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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