Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
