Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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