She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm passing your future prison.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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