So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
