Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
