Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
