What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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