Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we made out on top of his cat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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