fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
