don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
