Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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