Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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