There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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