drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
