Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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