clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
