you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
