Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
