the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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