Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
