He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
