He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
