You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
