I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
