my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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