He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
