Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
