I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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