I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
