and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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