I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
