You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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