I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
