took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
