i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
