I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
