My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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