I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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