I hope mine doesn't look like that
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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