I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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