1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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