i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
