Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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