i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
