Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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