why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
