You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
