Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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