If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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