Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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