i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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