Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
