doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
