OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
