haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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