I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
