you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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