I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
