Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
