Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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