Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
