I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
