i just wanna soil my oats bro
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
