His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
