I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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