Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
