The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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