MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
