My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
