If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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